


Debugging

by stew (julie)



Category: The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension (1984)
Genre: First Time, Friendship, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1989-12-17
Updated: 1989-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:41:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22253587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/stew
Summary: Rawhide  gets it on with yet another member of the Institute…
Relationships: Perfect Tommy/Rawhide (Buckaroo Banzai)





	Debugging

**Author's Note:**

> **First published:** in my zine “Samurai Errant: Cavalier Tales Quixotic and Profane” #3 on 17 December 1989

# Debugging

♦

It was very late. The bunkhouse was dark around our little pool of light. Perfect Tommy and I were engrossed in a computer program he’d written for me, and all its glitches. I leant back, temporarily stuck for solutions, and I stretched my tired bones, my unused muscles.

‘Come on, Rawhide, don’t give up on it now or we’ll be here all night.’

‘You’re the computer expert,’ I grumbled, suddenly annoyed. Not only irritable but uncomfortable, because my need for sex had built over the past months to something that tonight was near unbearable. While I had sometimes chosen chastity for one reason or another, when it was forced on me by circumstances as at present I would inevitably end up champing at the bit at some stage. With my growing frustrations compounded by sitting around only exercising my brain all day, my body right now was aching for some action.

Tommy, sitting close beside me to share the computer, leant over to key something in, and I found my eyes drawn to him. As was his habit lately, he was wearing only a loose cotton jacket, which now fell open before my gaze. A smooth pink chest was revealed, a taut dusky nipple consummating the flat planes of his masculine breast. I’d always acknowledged that Perfect Tommy was attractive, if too provoking for my tastes – but now it was the hardest thing I’d ever done to stop myself reaching to caress his nipple with the flat of my palm.

‘Wake up, Rawhide,’ he complained. ‘What about this?’

‘Sorry. You’re a little distracting right now,’ I said without thinking. I had never been very good at dissembling under pressure, which had always made living at the Institute a risky business. It was from when I first met Buckaroo that I grew into this taciturn, humorless, uneasy man who Reno likes to poke such fun at in his books. I sometimes wondered if Buckaroo even remembered, let alone regretted, the carefree, exuberant guy he had met briefly so many years ago. 

Perfect Tommy was sitting in mid-gesture, brain ticking over. I swear his mouth was hanging open. I mean, everyone reckons they know me – I’ve been around forever, and they tend to think I’m just a simple piece of Institute furniture rather than a complex human being hiding most of me from sight. Even though my devotion to Buckaroo was common knowledge, no one ever seemed to suspect the whole truth.

Firmly, I turned my attention back to the VDU and Tommy’s amendments. ‘Yeah, but try this… and…’ To my relief, the new formula worked, and the program finally ran to completion. Under Perfect Tommy’s gaze, I keyed in the instructions to get the program and results printed out.

‘You’re gay,’ he declared, voice faltering. ‘Good Lord, it all makes so much sense now.’ I didn’t answer, just looked guiltily down, before finally lifting my eyes to see what his reaction was. Tommy was frowning, thinking things through. ‘You’re in love with Buckaroo.’ Again, I couldn’t say anything. It had been my unspoken secret for far too long. I guess my sheepish, vulnerable expression confirmed my guilt. ‘Does he _know_?’ Tommy asked.

‘No,’ I whispered, turning to shut down the computer.

Then I felt Perfect Tommy’s tentative touch as he put his arm around my shoulders. ‘Now I know,’ he said. ‘Now I know why you’re so sad and quiet.’

‘How can I be sad if I’m in love with Buckaroo Banzai?’ I murmured. I stared at the blank screen, fighting God knows what inside of myself. 

Tommy’s arm around my shoulders was friendly, concerned. ‘You’re lonely,’ he answered.

‘I’ve done you a grave injustice,’ I finally told him. ‘If I’d pictured coming out to anyone around here, it was certainly never to you.’

‘Did you think me so incapable of sympathy? Or understanding?’ Tommy grinned. ‘Yeah, it’s a problem. People think I’m so frivolous.’ Then he whispered, ‘How could I not empathize with you? I’ve bowed to society’s view of things and suppressed a few urges that way myself. But I’ve sometimes burned with wondering what it would be like to make love with another man.’

I didn’t turn to look at him. I just kept staring at the empty VDU screen.

‘I figure I’m bisexual, but I never had the nerve to find out for sure. I’ve had propositions, plenty of offers,’ he continued, ‘but no one I particularly liked. Or trusted.’

Maybe it dawned on us both just then. We’d been two friends, discussing the most private of topics. But then we were regarding each other in a new way. You see it in movies so often that it’s corny – the closeness transforms to passion, a serious, still awareness drops over the two characters, and maybe they draw close without speaking, and kiss.

‘I want to,’ Tommy said, really quiet, ‘but I’m… kinda nervous. Is that stupid? It’s probably stupid.’

I turned my face to his. He left his arm around me, so I could feel his muscles were all tensed up now. He looked into my eyes, but his lips trembled. I had never seen him so scared or vulnerable. ‘Tommy,’ I whispered.

‘Is it asking too much? I know I’m not Buckaroo, could never be… But if you need someone.’

‘Tommy –’

‘Just for tonight maybe. I can’t think of anyone more suitable for an initiation, Rawhide.’

‘Sshhh…’ I lifted a hand to run through his hair, cup his face. ‘It’s all right. It’s all right now.’ I stood, and reached to hold his hand, draw him up with me. He wanted to fall into my arms, but this was far too important and fragile to rush into. I led him off to the sofa, sat him down, then grabbed a chilled bottle of white wine and two glasses from the fridge.

Sitting beside him, leaning back, I noticed his hands shaking. He kept his face turned away and gulped his first glass of wine like there was no tomorrow.

‘Tommy, put that glass down and sit back here.’ He slowly did as he was told. I had my arm firmly around him. ‘I ain’t gonna hurt you, Perfect Tommy. Don’t you trust me?’

‘I trust you, Rawhide.’

‘Kiss me once. Kiss me, and if you don’t want anything else, then that’s fine.’

‘I want everything,’ he mumbled clumsily, moving a little closer, burying his face against my shoulder.

‘Well, we’ll just take it slowly,’ I told him. I lifted his face, and brought my lips to meet his. Softly, tenderly, I kissed him, and he trembled beneath my hands, his fingers digging into me. I held my hungry passion back so as not to scare him off.

He stayed close to me when I broke the kiss. ‘That was beautiful.’

‘Why are you shaking?’ I asked him. ‘What are you so nervous about?’

‘I’m so… I’m so god-damned horny. I’m scared I’m going to like this more than I should.’

I laughed a little. ‘There’s no should or shouldn’t. Just enjoy yourself. _Relax_ , as Frankie would say.’

Tommy swallowed hard, and said, ‘Rawhide, I want you to believe me about this. I simply want you to have sex with me just like you would with anyone else, and do whatever you want to. Even if you think I’m too new to all this, I want to know what it’s all like, d’you see? I’m yours to do with what you want.’

Rawhide waited a moment, but figured it was up to him to confirm the details. ‘Are you saying you even want me to take you?’

‘Yes, that’s what I want,’ he whispered, face hidden. ‘And the only thing I’m scared of is that I’m gonna like it too much.’

‘Well, don’t worry, Perfect Tommy,’ I told him drily. ‘No one who’s made love with me has ever found they liked it too much to not walk away the next day.’

‘More fool them,’ he murmured. ‘You’re a very beautiful man.’ He gazed up at me then. ‘Pretend I’m Buckaroo.’

‘Ah, no, Perfect Tommy. It’s you I’m wanting to make love with right now.’ And I leant in to kiss him deeply, passionately. He still trembled under my hands, but began to respond to me beautifully. It wasn’t long before we lay along the sofa, clutched up closely together, kisses growing more and more frantic. My excuse was not having had sex for months. Perfect Tommy, I guess, was still getting laid as often as ever, but had maybe been daydreaming of another man for some while. He answered my loving delightfully. At first I’d been afraid of putting him off by too much passion, too much domination, but as he moaned his pleasure in my caresses, I gave up trying to hold back all my accumulated needs.

Finally feeling rumpled and frustrated, still lying there fully-clothed on the sofa, I gently broke our kiss. ‘Come to my bed,’ I murmured.

‘Yes, yes,’ he breathed, panting a little, eyes bright and glazed, hands never letting me go. I hauled him up with me, his arms snaking firmly around my waist. We walked together, and I pressed kisses into his bleached-blonde hair.

Minutes later we were naked on cool cotton sheets, Tommy under me thrusting up against my insistent embrace. Madly I kissed him, answering his thrusts, reaching to cup his buttocks in one hand, holding him close. His words, his moans became incoherent, his kisses wilder, his hands on me pulling me closer, closer. As I buried my face in his neck, biting and nibbling, he cried out in protesting surprise as he came hot and potent between our bellies. His reaction was a delight to me. I could hardly worry about whether he really wanted me as he lay shuddering and dazed beneath me, murmuring my name over and over like a litany.

When he’d finally quietened, he opened his eyes. ‘Dear Lord, you’re beautiful, Rawhide.’

‘And so are you.’

‘Take me now,’ he whispered.

‘Ah, no,’ I demurred. ‘Not this time. You don’t understand, I’m so damned horny right now.’

‘You’re afraid you’ll lose control, and hurt me?’

I nodded, coloring up with something like shame. ‘It’s been so long, Perfect Tommy. I’m sorry. Maybe this time you should just touch me…’ It was certainly a long time since I’d last had sex, but it was an even longer time since I’d last made love with anyone – which was undeniably what this night’s encounter had become. I thought back to the days before I’d found Buckaroo, when I could make love with people, but conversely had not found anyone to love. For the first time ever, I let myself wonder if I regretted meeting him. The thought felt like a betrayal of us both.

Perfect Tommy’s voice recalled me. ‘It’s all right,’ he was saying. ‘Don’t be embarrassed. But I want you to take me, Rawhide.’

‘But –’

‘At least it will be quick,’ he said with a breathless laugh. ‘You can do it properly another time.’ I smiled a little at that. He moved under me, and I remembered my aching erection. ‘Come on, lover,’ he murmured.

‘OK.’ I leant down to kiss him, then gently turned him over, lying beside him. He moaned a little at my tentative touch, so I carefully pressed a finger inside him, planting kisses across his back and shoulders. ‘Is that all right?’

‘Yes. I like it,’ he breathed. ‘Come on, Rawhide – don’t hold yourself back.’

His lusty words stirred me. ‘Oh, lover,’ I murmured, moving over him, my urgent needs reasserting themselves. And then I was within him, so easily, listening to his moans, shudders taking me already. Lying close over him, I managed a few gentle thrusts as he lifted his sweet ass to meet me – and then I was coming blindly, hotly, crying out as he contracted around me which meant that beyond belief he had climaxed again. 

I fell upon him, numbly fumbling to turn him in my arms, to draw him closer in a mad embrace, pressing kisses over him in gratitude for these feelings he’d shared with me, given me.

‘Rawhide, sweet Jesus,’ he was groaning, still shaking in my arms, moving to feel me as reassuringly close as possible.

‘It’s all right, it’s all right now,’ I whispered, holding him tightly. ‘Perfect Tommy, you beautiful, beautiful thing.’ He quieted a little, and we lay close, unmoving, stuck together with semen and sweat. ‘Was it too good?’ I asked with a rough rumble of humor.

‘Yes.’ He looked up at me, amused and serious all at once. ‘I liked you far too much. I was planning on talking you into telling Buckaroo, but now I want you all to myself.’

‘Is that so?’ I had to admit the idea of having Perfect Tommy in my bed every now and then quite appealed to me. I smiled, feeling happier than I’d been in years. ‘Tonight at least, I’m all yours, lover-man.’

‘I was hoping you’d say that.’ He returned my smile, and moved against me. I gave myself up to the heady pleasures of his lovemaking.

#

I didn’t know what time it was, and I didn’t care, even though the night must have been almost over. All that mattered was the pale, slim body in my arms. Amazing that I should find this love somewhere other than Buckaroo, this warmth, this answer to a need. Amazing that it was Perfect Tommy, that his fear of vulnerability should have turned to a complete trust in me. He was teasing me now, at ease with me as never before. The brittle shell from behind which he’d given me hell had dissolved, to be replaced with a charmingly besotted friendship.

‘You only wanted me because you were horny, admit it!’ And Tommy laughed gently, leaning up on an elbow to watch my every expression.

‘You know that’s not true.’

‘Come on, I annoy you too much by day – but you were too horny to remember to get annoyed last night.’

‘You are annoying, it’s true,’ I replied, refusing him a smile, ‘but also very attractive.’ 

‘You can do better than _attractive_ , then, surely.’

I lifted a hand to his face. ‘Full of grace; lithe and sexy; vain with more reason than most.’

‘That will do.’ He smiled, and stretched in my embrace.

‘Anyhow, you only wanted me as an experiment!’ I accused in turn, feeling the inevitable itch at his growing complacency.

‘The results were fascinating, and demand further study.’

I couldn’t help but relent. The last thing I wanted to do was revert to our former relationship. Similar cases I’d observed had inevitably degenerated into sheer bitchiness. ‘I guess we did each other some good, then.’

‘You mean, I finally satisfied all your unrequited lusts?’

‘You’ve been most accommodating,’ I informed him with mock pomposity.

That drew a laugh. ‘Glad to hear it.’ He turned to run his lips over the thick hair on my chest, a sensation he’d already found could arouse me immediately. His mouth fastened on a nipple for a while, then wandered down my side to a hipbone. ‘No,’ he murmured slowly, ‘I think I have evidence here that you still have a lust or two unsatisfied, after all.’

‘You’re too persuasive… Don’t tell me there are _more_ things you want to try?’

‘Like what?’ He looked up with a gleam in his eye.

I had to laugh. ‘I was joking. It’s all variations on a theme from here, as far as I know.’

‘Which is fine, with such a pleasant theme.’ He contentedly went back to nuzzling at my hip, my thigh, my balls… And just as I’d started to really hunger for something more, he stopped. ‘When d’you get this?’ he asked admiringly.

I looked down at the little tattoo like I was seeing it for the first time myself – a rearing horse at the very top of my right thigh, just under the hipbone. ‘Back when I was too young and drunk to know any better. Some stupid dare… I forget now.’

‘It’s sexy!’ he protested at my lack of enthusiasm. ‘It looks great.’ His eyes roved over the rest of me, apparently searching for more. ‘And when did you get this?’ Tommy ran a careful finger (as if he knew it still hurt) along the puckered scar running from breast to waist down my right side.

‘Too careless,’ I tersely informed him.

‘What happened?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it. Or the others.’

Tommy looked at me thoughtfully, seriously. ‘Seen a lot, haven’t you?’

‘Too much,’ I whispered.

He moved to lie next to me again, his grin growing. ‘So, when are we doing this again?’

‘Within the next five minutes, I’d say.’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘Don’t you wanna find someone else to experiment with? I might get a bit repetitive.’

‘I meant what I said before. Unless Buckaroo claims your attentions – until then, I’d like a share of them.’

I smiled again. Happily. I just couldn’t help myself. ‘Well, Tomcat, I guess next time you feel like experimenting…’

‘Or next time you’re feeling horny…’

‘All right, then.’ And I moved over him, and clasped him to me once again.

#

The Institute was waking up around us when Tommy finally clambered out of my bed. I lay half-wrapped in the sheets, leaning up against the pillows to watch him dress, admiring his pale flanks and buttocks one last time as he drew on his boxer shorts (emerald green) and trousers (salmon pink). I couldn’t wipe the satisfied grin off my face.

Tommy pulled on his boots (red), and pretty much bounced towards the door. 

‘See ya, Tomcat,’ I called as he stood in the open doorway.

He was waiting there for something – and I realized what as Reno and Pinky wandered past on their way to breakfast. ‘Thanks, Rawhide!’ Perfect Tommy cried out – and he blew me a kiss.

Thankfully, the door swung shut a moment later. I sank below the sheets, embarrassed as hell – but laughing, too. Young Tomcat certainly had a style all his own. 

And then I got out of bed myself. Now I was officially out of the closet, I’d just hate to miss watching the gossip ripple through the mess. And if I timed it right, I could make the Institute’s best breakfast entrance ever…

♦


End file.
